wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
