girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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