i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
