i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
