Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
