I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
