I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
