Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
