Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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