y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
