I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do vagina's smell?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
