Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This is my gift to your gina
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
