remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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