i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
