No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
