Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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