Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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