My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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