I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i will never coherently bang her
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
