Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Randomize