idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
