wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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