I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
