im having a threesome with these popsicles
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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