Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
