I want you more than these girls want KFC
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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