some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Randomize
