Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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