We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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