By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
