sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
