Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
