I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
