Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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