I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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