My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
