dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
