Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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