and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
