i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
