it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
