WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
