I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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