Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
