hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize