Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
