I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
