shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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