ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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