what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize