I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think I died a long time ago.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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