do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize