so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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