Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
