omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Congratulations! We have a period
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
