This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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