If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need to sanitize my soul.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
