I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
