Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He passed out mid-signature
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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