His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
