Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
only if we run a train.
done.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
