Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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