She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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