I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Its about making memories worth repressing
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
