I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
