so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
