I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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