This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
