Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize