I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
