I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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