Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
its not stalking. its research.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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