i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
