my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
