It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
