the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
