If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
