At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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