my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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