we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
