Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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