Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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