omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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