I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
