Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
How's work?
Spinning.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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